January 9, 2018
It is devastating to know that the man or woman you love is cheating on you. It is heartbreaking to learn that your love isn’t enough and the man/woman is seeking out love outside of your relationship. But, it is also good to know that you are being taken for a ride instead of being oblivious to it. There aren’t concrete answers for ‘why someone cheats’ but there can be some basic reasons. But more than seeking answers for ‘why he did this to you’, it is important to look for signs if he is indeed. You can’t blame a person for unfaithfulness until and unless you catch him red handed or have enough evidence to support your suspicion. Ronita Rana shares her first hand experience of being cheated in her marriage, along with some valuable advice that she believes will come handy for anyone in a similar situation.
“I had a love marriage and we were college sweethearts.. After few months of courtship, we got married with the blessings of our near and dear ones. After I had my first baby, things started changing. He got in touch with a girl from my relative’s circle. Mid night texts, calls and love you messages were common. When I would question him, he would simply deny, fights, and blame games. This took a toll on my health and during this time I also contemplated committing suicide. After this incident, his parents came to know of this, but instead of siding with me, they sided with him. His actions spoke louder than words. He used to keep his mobile all the time with him even in washroom; he never used to look me into my eyes. He used to avoid social gatherings to spend time with that girl. Whenever I would bring in this topic, he used to accuse me of cheating as well. Offense was his best form of defence. After much struggle, I got him out of this affair. But now he started demanding another child.
I went ahead and conceived, at 3 months of pregnancy I got to know that he is having an affair with another lady who is married with a girl baby. When questioned,he assured me that it was just a passing phase, and he wouldn’t repeat it. I conceived, had a difficult pregnancy, but nevertheless found joy in motherhood. Again a few months later I learnt that he was still in touch with that lady. I caught him red handed. That’s when i decided to move in with my mother. His relatives came in to reconcile. But it was only after police counselling that things became a little normal. Now, he lives with me and my parents. I learnt one thing the hard way, ‘A cheater is always a cheater’. Now, I am hoping that he won’t do the same thing.” Sharing her wisdom and expertise Sailaja Vissamsetti, Counseling Psychologist, “A big support to a cheater are his parents, if they support by saying him that a man can do anything he wishes to, then he has a mindset that being a man he is supposed to do anything. First, the man’sparents should teach him to respect his wife and give importance to the family.
If he starts giving importance to the girl (wife) who comes to his family trusting him, then his parents and family accepts her. So, every girl should talk about this with her fiancé and make sure he knows her importance and give before his family too.”
Dr Anupama Verma, Clinical Psychologist talks about the signs that should alert you Starts talking about privacy or personal space. takes or makes phone calls in private. sticks to the phone and doesn’t want you to use it. also changes or puts a lock code and doesn’t share with you.deletes text or phone history doesn’t want to show his marital or relationship status and refrains from posting pictures with you on social media You notice an increase in their work or their time spent away from home. or tries to create ways to go out of home. spends less time with you or touches you less or is less interested in you.
(name changed to protect the identity of the person)