Chennai: Imagine yourself in a boat. You look around and see different people – some quiet, some introvert and some cunning in a scheming manner. Some are loud, overbearing and bossy. Some are happy, and some angry and anxious. We avoid the overbearing, bossy ones. We are wary of the quiet ones. We are irritated by the angry ones and shout back at them, creating a ruckus.

Let us face it. We can also be irritating or bossy. Or, we could calm down, stabilise ourselves and hope to have a pleasant journey. But that is a skill many cannot easily acquire primarily because many are not good at interpersonal relationships.

Dr. Shuba Mukund, child psychiatrist and counsellor, explains to Covai Post how important interpersonal relationship exercise is. Excerpts from the interview:

Overbearing, bossy, loud, happy and angry are just emotions that we feel in daily life. We feel these in our heart. They do not always affect our social behaviour. So, how does it involve interpersonal relationships?

A great misconception among people is that we feel emotions in our heart. In psychiatry, we actually study how emotions are actually brain-induced reactions to our likes and dislikes. While it is true we know how to hide them within social situations, there are many who do not know the boundaries of such emotions. Their affected social skills would cause problems in personal and professional life.

What are these breach of boundaries that we see in the people?

There are recognisable signs of anti-social disorders within these children. It is often thought of as a rebellious attitude of a teenager that is grown out. But, it is actually the genetic coding within the child. Due to this, the patients who suffer from this disorder exhibit signs like talking continuously, leaving no room for other’s opinions. We call it verbal diarrhoea and they also exhibit characteristics like overbearing bossiness, temper that can lead too high degrees of violence and a disregard of rules and moral values.

Could you please elaborate on genetic coding?

Genetic Coding is very necessary for recognising and treating these disorders. Just like physical illnesses are hereditary, so are personality traits. While the father and mother contribute chromosomes to the creation of the baby, mother’s X chromosomes only carry traits while it is the father’s Y chromosome that contributes unique genetic code. There can be a mutation in the genetic coding through constant counselling and self-realisation within the patients to change.

So, Parents contribute a lot to shaping the personality of the child. Don’t they?

Paul Dukes, a specialist in social neuroscience, has been studying on how genetic coding of a child born in a patriarchal environment of sexual assault, fear and violence can cause instability within them. They might turn too aggressive or too timid. We all fall under the razor edge of sanity and insanity. But, nurture does stabilise nature. Our culture has means like prayer hymns, yoga, special exercises and brisk walking for women early in the morning, to give a positive environment around the children in wombs. Coupled with a healthy diet, this can perform wonders to not just the physical state, but also the psychological state of the child. Positive vibrations from a healthy, happy family can instil a coping mechanism against the anti-social instincts within the child.

How does counselling help in this situation?

Parental counselling is the key to understand how to notice these disorders, prevent them and deal with them. Couples who are going to be parents are given advice and help so that a natural birth and non- abusive environment is given to the baby. If the environment and the birth conditions are not good, the baby could face low brain development and psychological disorders. If you do see such signs in the child, please take him or her to care because the younger they are, the easier it is to treat them. It can be expensive as it is a long process, but it is important to not let go of the treatment in the middle. Inclusive schools and open-minded parents have made it easier to address these issues nowadays.