I know what some of you you are saying: “Why?”

And fair enough, why should we be friends with an ex anyway? It is a very to-each-their-own kinda situation anyway. But sometimes our exes aren’t the stock figures of infamy as they are made out to be. Sometimes they are actually nice people who we just didn’t sync with in a romantic context. The pain of the break up tends to make us bitter towards the ex partner, sometimes even when we understand practically why a break up had to happen.

But after a while, when things calm down, if you think about it you will realize that maybe the two of you make for better friends than lovers. That is also a good point to realize you are actually over that person, when you embrace the possibility that you guys can be friends.

So, how do you go about it? Here’s what to keep in mind.

1. Make sure you are over the ex and that it is a platonic friendship you want sans any ulterior motives (like, you know, low-key trying to convince them to get back with you). Imagine them telling you they are moving on with someone else happily; does that bug you? Then maybe you aren’t ready to be friends after all. Enough time needs to have passed after the break up for you guys to be friends.

2. Reach out to your ex with a friendly message or call but without any expectations. There are chances that they aren’t that excited about the idea of being friends and that is okay, that is their choice. Don’t be pushy.

3. No heavy talk please, nothing that will make them feel they are being ambushed. Don’t talk about the bygone relationship, or whoever you are seeing now, or anything that will leave a bad aftertaste.

4. Don’t fall back into old patterns of calling, texting, keeping a check, flirting, none of that. Nothing that spells “D-A-T-I-N-G”. And please don’t have sex. Please.

5. If you think things are getting hot, from either side, back off. Far, far, far, far. There may come a point where you want to give in to temptation, maybe even wonder “what if?” but fight that urge.